People of Lyme (kinda sounds like an Olde English story....) know that everyday they feel pain. Somedays the pain is not too bad, almost like "the new normal". Sometimes its so bad you can barely get out of bed. Somedays is a combination between the two, normal in the morning (so you try to do too much with the energy you have), and then exhaustion in the evening. But the people with the Lyme are not the only sufferers of "the dreaded disease". It effects everyone whom YOUR life effects. For instance, in my case, it effects all my co-workers. I am currently on diasability, so all the jobs I did have to be done by others. However, the people that Lyme effects the most are my immediate family. I have noticed more changes in them in the last year then anyone.
My husband, for instance, has become LITERALLY OBSESSED by the game World of Warcraft. He plays it almost every minute of the day that he is not at work, sleeping, eating or going to the bathroom. It is a pretty cool game, awesome graphics, and it goes on forever. It never ends. There are always new rooms, new things to encounter, new challenges to face. It's become his life. His job, although stable and he is VERY good at, seems to be a dead end. He comes home to usually a pain-filled, grumpy wife. This is his escape...takes him to a place where he is in control. However, it's taken over his life, but he doesn't see that. It is something that he enjoys, so I don't want to take it away from him. However, I would love to be able to have a CONSCIOUS CONVERSATION with him, without him in the middle of killing some giant or selling pre-historic weapons. Now, he could counter that I am obessed with facebook (and I'll admit that I do enjoy it). However, you can only harvest so many crops in Farmville, whack so many people in Mafia, or read up on what other people are out doing/enjoying in their lives before it becomes mundane.
My oldest daughter is tall, willow-y, and sensitive. She is also a TWEEN and going through her own major life changes right now. It really sucks for her to have a sick mom who is irratable and tired all the time. Luckily she still wants to share things with me, and I love having talks with her during this especially pivotable time in her own life. Last year she was pulling down all A's and B's...but her grades have slipped to B's and C's. She immerses herself in fantasy worlds of Hannah Montana, American Girl dolls, and Club Penguin. That is all normal (as far as I can tell), but its what she's not telling me is what is worrying me. What is really going on in school that her grades have fallen off? If I was completely healthy, would I be working so hard that I would be missing out on seeing this beautiful, sweet girl develop, or would I be more patient, more tolerable to to the challenges she constantly brings?
My youngest daughter is my baby. She has always been cute, with these chubby cheeks I just looove to smoosh, and a lovebug. She still constantly does what I call "drive by kissings", where she will just enter the room for no reason and wants loving. She is a total social butterfly, and often will get in "trouble" in school for her constant chatter (anyone who knows me......I don't know WHERE she gets that from :). However, in the last 9 months that I have been ill, this sweet little loveygirl has re-sorted to hitting & kicking people she is frustrated by. If a kids picks on her (she's a 2nd grader), then she hits them. If a kid sits by her that she doesn't want she kicks them. We've given her more time-outs than I can count. What happened to my lovey smooshy girl?
I supposed a lot of this could be my own guilt talking. I wish I could do more, be more, but right now I just physically can't. It hurts me, and it hurts others. I wish that I had a World of Warcraft to escape into....but I am a MOM.
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